Habit of Thought

10 Reasons Why You Don't Need a Coach

I'm often asked what coaching does for people. The coach's favorite answer is, it depends. It entirely depends on what the person being coached (PBC) wants or needs. The outcomes vary tremendously from PBC to PBC. (I will address what coaching does for companies in a separate post.)

I find a good way to answer the question of what coaching does for people is to describe situations I've encountered where the person didn't need a coach. The list below, in no particular order, contains a sampling of reasons why they didn't.

Time Management

1. You manage how you spend your time by managing your goals and priorities, not by how much you can cram into a given day. You have a system of some kind in place to handle all the incoming stuff yet retain peace of mind.

Physical Health

2. You are physically healthy. You have daily routines for exercise, sleep, and diet that increase your capacity and restore it.

Social Life

3. Your social life is in good order. You connect with people in a meaningful way regularly. You have a good support system of people you love spending time with, who have your back, who push you when you need it, who leave you feeling happier and more alive after spending time with them.

Family Life

4. Your family life works for you. Baggage from the past rarely influences your outlook, relationships or responses today. Family needs are one of the big rocks that go on your calendar and spending list first.

Personal and Professional Development

5. You believe in and routinely engage in some sort of personal and professional development through regular reading, additional education, hobbies, conferences, seminars, or a mentor. If your employer doesn't pay for these things, you invest in them yourself at an affordable level.

Productivity

6. Your home, your office, your workspace, your car, your garage: anywhere you spend a lot of time is organized to meet your needs. You can lay your hands on important paperwork in a matter of minutes. Clutter is managed and purged regularly.

Career

7. You have a handle on your career. You stay up with trends in your field, your industry, your customer base. You watch for the effects of technology in your work and take every opportunity for training that comes your way. You take full responsibility for improving your current skills and learning new ones. You also routinely work to improve your people skills--listening, communication, managing, delegating--as well as any technical skills involved.

Finances

8. Your finances are solid. Will, health proxy, living will are in place. Short- and long-term savings and investments are in progress. You have a good credit rating. Your life, health and belongings are protected at the right level by insurance. How you manage your money works for you.

Leadership

9. You regularly apply your leadership skills in your life and work, regardless of your level or title in a company or your role in your family. You understand leadership is a life skill, not something you only do at your job. You think strategically, respond with emotional intelligence, understand your role, and fulfill your responsibilities.

Values

10. You know what your values, ethics and beliefs are. You make virtually all of your daily choices and decisions in accordance with what's important to you and what brings meaning to your life. You know how to quickly assess requests for your time, money, or energy before saying "yes." You know how to say "no" gracefully.

Perfection Is Not the Goal, Progress Is

This list doesn't mean a meaningful life is possible only if all 10 things (or others you can think of) are in place. For many people, getting one or two of those things in order is enough.

How about you? Are the blessings you already have in your life enough to keep body, soul, and mind together and functioning?

Delete Prior

I had my first BlackBerry cell phone for a year before I found the "Delete Prior" function that allowed me to delete a range of the emails on it.

Before that, I had to delete all the emails individually. It was tedious and painful.

(If you don't know how to find this function on your BB, see instructions at the bottom of this post.)

Click a Button and Get a Clean Slate

Sometimes when I press that BlackBerry button, I wish I could just as easily wipe out all the mistakes and mis-steps and poor decisions of my life and start over. Other times I'd like to do major housekeeping on my to-do list in the same way. Or I might just wish I could start that day over.

Anne Shirley, the feisty heroine of Anne of Green Gables, has an interesting approach. She sees each new day as a fresh start, with no mistakes in it. (She constantly gets into trouble, though her escapades pale in comparison to what kids today get themselves into.)

A Symptom, Not a Treatment

In working through a recent book I read, I've come to understand that impulse as a symptom of a lack of balance, a lack of energy, or both. When I feel that way, I set aside time as soon as I can to assess my commitments and goals at a higher level than managing them day-to-day. That "reset" function clears out the underbrush and helps me remember how much I love my work.

My Actual Reset Button

The real cleanout happens before we go on our two-week vacation. My favorite day of the whole year is the night before we leave on our trip. By that point, everything that's going to get done is finished. Anything that couldn't get done has been scheduled for the days and weeks after our return. Expectations and commitments have either been met or reset or renegotiated.

Something To Think About

How often do you feel overwhelmed?

What do you do to reset commitments and expectations when that happens?

What kind of positive ritual could you create for that reset?

How often do you think you'd need to do it?

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How to Mass Delete Emails on Your BlackBerry

1. Open your mail function on your BlackBerry.

2. Scroll to and highlight (with the rolling ball) the date header for the day where you want to delete all emails before AND INCLUDING that day. For example, let's say you want to keep only those emails that came in today, Oct 17, 2010. Then you would scroll to and highlight the date header for Oct 16, 2010.

3. Press the BlackBerry menu button to the left of the rolling ball. Scroll to the "Delete Prior" menu item. Click on that item.

4. A confirming screen asking "Delete all prior items?" is displayed with the options to Delete or Cancel.

5. Click Delete. All emails prior to that date will be deleted. If you select today's date, all emails that came in today plus all previous emails will be deleted.

Exercise Decision Is More Painful Than Exercising

Like voting, exercise is one of those things everybody knows they should do and most don't.

While I haven't missed an election since I was first eligible to vote (Nixon vs McGovern), let's just say my record on exercise has been far less consistent.

This year I finally have broken the cycle of decide-try-excuses that have torpedoed my resolve. While I'm not exactly ready to try out for "So You Think You Can Dance?," I'm seeing results.

No Secret Formula

I wish I had a secret formula to share with you, a compelling motivation that inspires me. Instead, it's a combination of things. Maybe one or more of these 6 items will click with you, listed from the less compelling to the most compelling to me...

6. Living Longer But Not Better

I took a long hard look at women 65+ in age whom I see when I'm out and about. It's not a pretty picture. With continued excuses and denial on my part, it won't be long before climbing the stairs in my house will be difficult. Among other things, simply aging will kick up the threat of diabetes a notch.

I'm not saying everyone who is in a nursing home could have prevented the circumstances that made them move to one. My mother-in-law lived in her own home until strokes at 85 forced that change. Life will throw me enough aging challenges that limit my options in where I live and how I spend my day. It's my choice not to add to those challenges because of my own negligence.

5. No Time Like the Present

As hard as it is now, starting an exercise program ain't gonna get any easier down the road. See above.

4. Physical Energy Is The Power Plant for Living

A recent book I read proposed the idea of setting up rituals to develop and renew the types of energy that keep me alive and functioning: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Physical energy powers everything else. I like to think of exercise as a positive ritual, not a must-do habit.

3. A No-Excuses Club

I joined a club where I feel truly comfortable. No one cares what you look like with no makeup and old t-shirt--they're too busy doing their own workouts. It's on my way to almost anywhere I go, only 15 minutes by car. Virtually everything I might ever need to work out is there, including a cafe to grab a bite before or after and a spa where I can reward myself with a (non-food) treat now and then for working out.

2. You Gotta Have Friends

Friends, clients, colleagues and acquaintances belong to the same club, though I didn't realize how many when I joined. It's wonderful to see friendly faces with a smile of encouragement. I also want to have a good answer when they ask me how my workouts are going.

1. Putting My Money Where My Mouth Is

I'm a coach. I teach people how to set and reach goals. If I don't keep at my own goals, where's my integrity? Even if my clients don't know what my goals are?

The Devil Is in the Details

All my dilly-dallying about when to exercise, how to exercise, where to exercise was far more painful than the actual exercise itself. It wasn't until I got my ducks in a row, that is, I removed obstacles, that it all began to come together. Those things included buying a good quality pair of sneakers (Brooks brand--never heard of them before this), organizing a gym bag with supplies always at the ready, experimenting with times of day to see what works (mornings, hands down), and a routine that is not dependent on attending a class (although I enjoy the classes when I can get there).

What Not To Think About

If your only motivation for exercise is to lose weight, it's not enough. Losing weight is not a motivating factor for me, though I certainly would love to shed pounds. Focusing on just that number, though, has failed me time and time again. My mirror and the fit of my clothes tell me whether I'm on track there, and I don't spend much time thinking about it.

Walmart Says No To a Sale

Yesterday I shopped at my local Walmart. I perused the aisle where they had gathered all the leftover back-to-school supplies. I found a small student planner, one of those calendars that runs from September to June, the school year. It was about 3"x5", and it was perfect for a little project I have in mind. It was only $2.50--a bargain to boot.

So I took it to the cashier and handed over my credit card.

The checkout clerk said I couldn't buy it.

At first I thought she meant something was wrong with my credit card or they had a lower limit on the total purchase value that could be charged. But that wasn't it. When she scanned the bar code, the system refused to allow her to sell it to me.

She scanned it three times with the same result, even though she said she had encountered this before. I offered to take it over to customer service to see what they could do. She said not even the store manager could override the sale. She couldn't accept cash and just let me take it.

There was nothing wrong with the planner; in fact, there were at least six more like it on the shelf.

This was a first. A store with merchandise on the shelf would not let me buy something.

I was speechless, which, if you know me, really says something about the situation.

The clerk was very pleasant and obviously was frustrated and embarrassed, so I decided to end the conversation and move on.

When Walmart says no, the answer is no, even to a paying customer with cash on hand.

So, what do YOUR computers or management policy or stocking policy or seasonal product policy make impossible for customers to buy?