Habit of Thought

Writing as Spiritual Practice

I don't care what your faith is--or whether you even have a "faith" or follow a religion--but take any opportunity you may have to hear Barbara Brown Taylor speak. Or better yet, take a workshop from her. She makes spirituality real, practical, and most of all, fun.

A friend told me about Taylor's workshop on writing as a spiritual practice which took place today in the beautiful St. Paul's Episcopal Church just outside downtown Rochester. It was the first time I had ever heard of Barbara.

Writing As Work

By vocation Taylor is an Episcopal priest, so it's part of her job description to be a writer and speaker / preacher. I have heard my share of priests, ministers, and pastors speak and have read some of their writing. As with almost any job, not everyone seeks excellence in the skills required to carry out their responsibilities. Taylor clearly takes those responsibilities to heart and has developed not just an incredible mastery but a love of both.

The Joy of Expression

About 60 or so people participated today, yet the workshop was not frenzied, noisy, or distracting due to such a large crowd. Taylor engaged every single one of us through her humor (never at our expense), her humility about her own journey, and her passion for words. When we all were writing, the only sound was the typing of those who brought laptops. Those of us using pen and paper barely registered. When we were discussing our writing with our table mates, the room was abuzz with energy, warmth, and above all, laughter. Barbara created a perfect learning environment and set things up so all would feel safe and knew we had the right just to listen if we didn't want to share anything.

What I Learned About Writing As a Spiritual Practice

Trust the spirit. If there is ever a time to turn off the critic in your head, writing is it. No matter what your subject (or endeavor, for that matter), that voice is there to reduce risk, keep you safe, and save you from being hurt. The problem is, embracing those things also eliminates the possibility of growth.

Barbara took us through an exercise in which we named our critic (mine is DK, which stands for "don't know," as in "I don't know his name"). She also told us to tell him or her or it to go away and come back at 3pm, which is when the workshop was to end. Crazy as it sounds, this really worked. (I have also asked DK to go away while I write this and come back just before I click "publish.")

The other part is to literally go where your spirit takes you. It is common to start writing based on an assignment or idea. But if what you are writing starts to go in a different direction, follow it. Honor it. The writing assignment's sole purpose is just to prime the pump.

Embody the Word. If you want to connect through the written or spoken word with anyone else or especially yourself, go through the body. Describe things using words that connect to your senses.

For example, if you are trying to communicate about faith, describe it through touch, taste, smell, sound, and eyes. My answer to that exercise was: faith is a whisper (sound), a flowery scent (smell), a cookie (taste), warm and cold (temperature), and seeing two married 80-year-olds holding hands (eyes). Note that your sense choices don't have to make sense to anyone but you.

Show, Don't Tell. This is an oldie-but-a-goodie in writing circles. Ever see the movie "Armageddon"? It stars Bruce Willis as Harry Stamper, a driller extraordinare who is called upon by the US government to save the planet from an earth-killing meteorite. In just the first five minutes of dialogue and action, you know Stamper's position on Greenpeace, that his relationship with his daughter, Grace, is problematic, and his star employee, AJ, has the disagreeable habit of routinely disobeying Harry's orders, to Harry's great displeasure.

For example, I can write "I am tired." Or, I can write "I feel as if I spent the entire day pushing boulders around."

"I loved my mom very much." Or, "I spent one weekend a month with Mom for the last three years of her life, taking her to garage sales, going visiting with her to her friends' homes, or just talking with her over endless cups of tea at home."

Want to Get Started?

This part wasn't covered in the workshop, and I offer it to any reader who perhaps hasn't journaled before.  Experienced journal keepers may also find an intriguing idea here to freshen their approach to their own spiritual writing journey.

Simplest: A pad of paper or spiral notebook. A pencil or pen.

Make It Special: Indulge in one of the thousands of journals available from Walmart, Target, Barnes & Noble or dozens of other stores. If you are more visual, get a bunch of colored pens and a sketchbook, which you can also find at any of those stores or at your local art store or art gallery.

I find writing in a Moleskine notebook with a fountain pen (disposable or classic) literally makes my words flow.

Let the Dogs Out: Create an altered book. Jump into the scrapbooking craze or create one out of a simple blank notebook. Get into fabric and create a journal quilt. Just be careful not to let the medium become the point instead of spiritual exploration.

Resources Suggested at Workshop

• Author Elizabeth Gilbert's TED Talk
• Writing the Sacred Journey: The Art and Practice of Spiritual Memoir by Elizabeth Andrews and her web site, www.spiritualmemoir.com
• www.ThisIBelieve.com
• www.AbbeyoftheArts.com (Recommended by a participant)
• The 3 A.M. Epiphany: Uncommon Writing Exercises that Transform Your Fiction by Brian Kiteley
• A Poetry Handbook by Mary Oliver

Ok, DK, it's fine to come back into the room now... 

The King of Innovative Thinkers is Dead, Long Live the King

I confess I have only a couple of Steve Jobs' products, two different types of iPods. Yet his innovative thinking and all the products that resulted from that thinking are part of stuff in my everyday life that I can no longer do without.

Jobs drove the ultimate usability concepts into his products so any regular human can use them. He set the course that freed computing power from being the sole domain of immense mainframes in locked rooms accessible by only a few anointed caretakers.

Innovation is not just ideas, it's ideas made real. It takes outsized drive, personality, and just plain guts to override naysayers, move past small thinkers, and tell the world that THIS is what it needs.

Jobs has thrown such a large shadow for years that it's difficult to name any other person driving such breakthrough innovation in today's world making a difference at the same scale he did.

Perhaps someone else's light will have a chance to shine now. I sure hope so. It scares me to think that we won't see another of his intelligence, reach, and creativity for quite some time.

Rest in peace, Steve Jobs. I like to think of you now comparing notes with Ben Franklin, Thomas Edison, George Eastman, John Jacob Bausch, Chester Carlson, and other visionaries on whose shoulders you stood and and shook the world as they did.

My condolences to Steve's wife, children, and company. May the love of family and friends bring you comfort and your memories of Steve bring you peace.

Do Your Habits Work for You or Against You?

You run your world through habits.

A habit is an acquired pattern of behavior that often occurs automatically and subconsciously, that is, without conscious thought. Frankly, if we didn't have habits, we would never get anything done. If, every morning, I had to think through all I need to do to prepare for my day, it would drive me crazy. 

Habits actually start with thoughts.

How many times did your parents have to remind you to brush your teeth before it became something you did without being told? Eventually, brushing your teeth became automatic and part of your daily routine. Doing it over and over moved the action from your conscious control to being controlled by your subconscious.

Your starter set of habits came through your upbringing. 

Your parents' mission during your entire childhood and adolescence was to instill the habits they believed would make you successful as an adult. For example, good personal hygiene and proper etiquette significantly affect your interactions with others, not to mention make you pleasant to be around.

We also have habits in how we think.

Habits of thought are called attitudes. Again, our original set came from early influences such as parents and family, school and friends. They taught us how to habitually think about people who are different from us, whether in skin color, gender, race, age, ethnicity, nationality, or religion. We absorbed their attitudes about work, love, marriage, kids, family, politics.

Life changes.

Getting a job, getting married, buying a house come with new necessary habits of thought and action. Our bosses, colleagues, clients, and competition inspire, train, or even insist on new attitudes and behaviors.

Some of our habits still come in handy. Some don’t, yet we continue to do them anyway. And all the while, the world around us is dramatically changing.

Some questions for your habits of thought and actions:

• What are your habits?
• How old are your habits?
• Are they yours by choice, influence, training or coercion? Does that matter?
• Do yours work for or against you? 

10 Reasons Why You Don't Need a Coach

I'm often asked what coaching does for people. The coach's favorite answer is, it depends. It entirely depends on what the person being coached (PBC) wants or needs. The outcomes vary tremendously from PBC to PBC. (I will address what coaching does for companies in a separate post.)

I find a good way to answer the question of what coaching does for people is to describe situations I've encountered where the person didn't need a coach. The list below, in no particular order, contains a sampling of reasons why they didn't.

Time Management

1. You manage how you spend your time by managing your goals and priorities, not by how much you can cram into a given day. You have a system of some kind in place to handle all the incoming stuff yet retain peace of mind.

Physical Health

2. You are physically healthy. You have daily routines for exercise, sleep, and diet that increase your capacity and restore it.

Social Life

3. Your social life is in good order. You connect with people in a meaningful way regularly. You have a good support system of people you love spending time with, who have your back, who push you when you need it, who leave you feeling happier and more alive after spending time with them.

Family Life

4. Your family life works for you. Baggage from the past rarely influences your outlook, relationships or responses today. Family needs are one of the big rocks that go on your calendar and spending list first.

Personal and Professional Development

5. You believe in and routinely engage in some sort of personal and professional development through regular reading, additional education, hobbies, conferences, seminars, or a mentor. If your employer doesn't pay for these things, you invest in them yourself at an affordable level.

Productivity

6. Your home, your office, your workspace, your car, your garage: anywhere you spend a lot of time is organized to meet your needs. You can lay your hands on important paperwork in a matter of minutes. Clutter is managed and purged regularly.

Career

7. You have a handle on your career. You stay up with trends in your field, your industry, your customer base. You watch for the effects of technology in your work and take every opportunity for training that comes your way. You take full responsibility for improving your current skills and learning new ones. You also routinely work to improve your people skills--listening, communication, managing, delegating--as well as any technical skills involved.

Finances

8. Your finances are solid. Will, health proxy, living will are in place. Short- and long-term savings and investments are in progress. You have a good credit rating. Your life, health and belongings are protected at the right level by insurance. How you manage your money works for you.

Leadership

9. You regularly apply your leadership skills in your life and work, regardless of your level or title in a company or your role in your family. You understand leadership is a life skill, not something you only do at your job. You think strategically, respond with emotional intelligence, understand your role, and fulfill your responsibilities.

Values

10. You know what your values, ethics and beliefs are. You make virtually all of your daily choices and decisions in accordance with what's important to you and what brings meaning to your life. You know how to quickly assess requests for your time, money, or energy before saying "yes." You know how to say "no" gracefully.

Perfection Is Not the Goal, Progress Is

This list doesn't mean a meaningful life is possible only if all 10 things (or others you can think of) are in place. For many people, getting one or two of those things in order is enough.

How about you? Are the blessings you already have in your life enough to keep body, soul, and mind together and functioning?

What Values Do You Believe In?

Research has shown that about 95% of our values and beliefs have been learned by the age of 5.

Unless you have actively worked on choosing your values since then, most of your daily decisions are influenced by what you learned from the culture and circumstances of your life before you went to kindergarten.

What Is A Value?

A value is a belief, a mission, or a philosophy. It has intrinsic worth that inspires you and provides meaning that cannot be taken from you. Samples include family, patriotism, safety, creativity, orderliness, punctuality, loyalty, innovation.

Whether you are conscious of them or not, values are like your personal operating system, preprogramming your choice when making a decision.

Values Are the Operating System of Success

"Success is the continual achievement of your own predetermined goals,
stabilized by balance and purified by belief."

In my definition of success, you purify your goals by filtering them through your beliefs. Success means you have used your beliefs and values to actively select and shape your goals, the actions to achieve them, and design how you carry them out.

In computer programming, if-then-else logic drives the outcome based on pre-selected choices. Values are what you use to pre-select life choices. If honesty is one of your values, when presented with an opportunity to lie, you will choose to tell the truth.

Values As A Standard for Managing Your Personal Energy

In Loehr and Schwartz's book, they explain that values drive fuller engagement in all areas of our lives. A values-driven life increases the likelihood that you bring passion, commitment, and perseverance to whatever it is that you do. You make choices about how to behave from a position of confidence, strength and dignity rather than from anger, resentment or insecurity.

In this era of feeling our lives are controlled by everything but ourselves, this model gives us back that control.

What are your top 5 values? How have your actions over the last month reflected those?

 

A New Definition of Success for A New Year

"Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."

—Jim Rohn

One of the challenges in today's complex society is how to define success for yourself. In the olden days, success was pretty clear: food on the table, a roof over your head, clothes on your back, maybe education thrown in.

Today the media scream that success is lots of money to buy European cars, exotic vacations, expensive watches, designer clothes, and all manner of material things. The people in those ads look so happy and relaxed, comfortable in their own skin (which hasn't a blemish on it), without a care in the world.

It's tempting to let the outside world define success for us. Various studies claim we're exposed to  anywhere from 247 to 3000 ads a day.

I propose a definition of success that is universally applicable to all humans regardless of gender, ethnicity, age, income, geography, religion, or job.

"Success is the continual achievement of your own predetermined goals,
stabilized by balance and purified by belief."

What's your definition of success? How does it compare to this statement?